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All Dolled Up

Are you an impulse buyer?  I like to think I’m not, but I give in to temptation more often than I’d like to admit. I have a friend who says of herself, “I’m a sucker for a pretty face.” I, on the other hand, have learned I’m a sucker for anyone or anything that makes me laugh.


So I was in a random store when I came across this beaming, small male doll with a sign on his chest that said, “Press Me.”  Since I’ve been told many times to “keep your hands to yourself”, and never do, I impulsively pushed the spot. It turns out the little guy says all the things husbands have NOT been saying since recorded time. Things like, “Oh, the ballgame really isn’t that important, Honey. I’d rather spend time with you.”  Oh, really? And, “Actually, I’m not sure which way to go.  I’ll turn in here and ask directions.”  Suuure. Get this one: “Here, you take the remote.  As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what we watch.”  Riiiight.


The one that REALLY made me laugh was: “Awww!  Can’t your mother stay another week?”


At this point, I was hooting while drawing stares and tsk-tsks from more proper shoppers.  I tried to muffle my guffaws with my hand, but that only made me look crazier. I’m sure they were wondering, “Covid?  Nausea?  Acute sorrow?” 


I hot footed it up to the checkout counter, avoiding the suspicious gazes of the other shoppers, and bought the thing.  Now whenever I need a good laugh, I just poke my little boyfriend in the chest and let him do his thing. 


My wiseacre friend says she won’t buy until there’s a doll saying, “Hon, have you lost weight?” And “Can I do the laundry this week?” And the MOST unlikely of all: “My mom thinks I got lucky marrying you.”


This one’s REALLY Old School—ever since people have been pairing up. If you have suggestions for dollspeak, please send them.  I haven’t laughed this hard since my then three-year-old got into the tub of chocolate frosting. 

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