Remember the song lyrics, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine”? I have a message for him. I’m here to tell you, Jeremiah, that you and your ilk are no friends of mine. I make an exception for your cousin, Kermit, because of his charm, singing voice, and cute girlfriend. But that’s where my tolerance ends.

First, I don’t like your looks. Those googly eyes and “warty” skin give me the creeps. As children, we believed handling you and your relatives gave us warts, just like your skin. Even your color is ugly, except for some of your distant relatives in Cuba.
Besides your poor appearance, you’re noisy. Every time it rains here in Florida, your cousins start “singing” (and I use the term loosely.) Once I even opened my bedroom door and yelled at them to shut up, but they were too rude to do so.
Many years ago, my sister was your sworn enemy. With her trusty frog gig, she hunted you at night, giving our family some tasty meals. Back then, frog legs were a coveted restaurant menu item because your meat, the consistency of fish, tasted like chicken. Or was it the other way around? It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten.
You know, Jeremiah, there are other things which bear your species name. That metal thingie my mom put in the bottom of a vase to hold flower stems is one of them. The internet tells me there is a soft triangle in the middle of a horse’s foot which is also named after you. Many years ago, I even WORE my favorite use of your name. It was a fabulous green dress (perfect color, right?) with white frogs all down the front. The dictionary explains: frogs can be decorative fastening or looped braids or cords, especially on military uniforms. A frog can also attach a sword to a soldier’s belt.
Your name is often on my lips, or more accurately, in my throat—another reason I dislike you. And when I have a cold, I develop your annoying croak.
I must admit you’re quite the athlete with those powerful legs that can propel you from danger. Mark Twain knew it too, since he wrote “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” A series of children’s books extolls your relationship with your cousin, Toad, as well.
The bottom line, Jeremiah, is this Old School type is not much of a wildlife lover. I’ll read about you in books. You’re much quieter that way.
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