I know; I know. You have pictures in your head of people high-fiving each other in congratulations. Nope, this column’s about getting from Point A to Point B without getting lost or losing my religion. Call it directionality, which I missed in the genetic lottery. To put it bluntly, I can’t find my way out of a paper bag, as we used to say back in Indiana.
It’s become a joke that if Carol thinks we should turn right, then we should definitely go left. This failing has caused untold embarrassment and tardiness for me and members of my family, mostly those too young to know better than to let me drive them anywhere.
Someone once told me that people with good math skills also have a good sense of direction. Others say that artistic talent can help people find their way. In my case that would explain my lapse, since I have no artistic talent and can barely add two and two. You won’t see me checking the bill addition on a restaurant tab—too much pressure. But I’m not sure math skills or creativity are reliable indicators. I’ve known plenty of mathematicians and artists who are worse off than I am.
Of course, there’s always the sexist argument that women have more trouble in this area than men. While I would love to blame my shortcomings on my sex, that can’t be true. I know plenty of women who could find their way out of a dense forest at night. And how about those men who have to ask directions to the bathroom?
To compound the problem, I am also a terrible map reader. You see, to be able to chart a course on a map, you first must identify where you are. As I scan the map frantically, nervously looking from top to bottom, my confusion grows. My forehead (and elsewhere) beads with sweat. “Hmm, is that my part of the street or is that the part across town?” Sometimes I turn the map upside down, but it doesn’t help.
For us “directionally challenged” sorts, Waze has been a godsend. Yes, that female voice is a little bossy, but she does know where to go, so I just shut up and let her take me there. Current studies say the American sense of direction is getting worse each year, due to increased dependence on Waze and other pathfinders. That may be true for the general population, but for me, it doesn’t hold water. I had nowhere to go but up!
In this case, Today trumps Old School every time!
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